A · Brown · Eyed · Dreamer

Why don't I feel beautiful anymore?

Yesterday Brian and I "celebrated" 9 months of togetherness. Came home after a very long very hard day to flowers and a card that almost made me cry. I love that boy.

We've/he's decided to put the house up for sale soon. We want to find a nice place in Saint Clair Shores. Soon as I'm done with school I want another little addition to our family. Brian wants an all white female English Bulldog--I want a little brown Dachshund named Trixie...we'll see.

Money is being put away and saved for the many things on our wish list. The things we still need for the present house are curtains and an entertainment center. All things come in time I suppose :)

I love life
I love my family
I love my man
I love my friends
I love my puppy

2005 YEAR IN REVIEW:
1. What did you do in 2005 that you'd never done before?
Moved in with a boy, got a puppy, drank a full bottle of an alcoholic beverage, made a police report when coles car was broken into, got pulled over, cried in the back of a cop car, had a police officer apologize to me.
2. Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I didn't make any last year. Just to get fit again.
3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
no
4. Did anyone close to you die?
no
5. What countries did you visit?
Canada.
6. What would you like to have in 2006 that you lacked in 2005?
a job
7. What date from 2005 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
April 2, April 5, April 17 When Brian asked me to stay and bowl with him when he showed up to bowl on the night dad and I were bowling. Our first date. When we decided to be exclusive :)
8. What was your biggest achievement of the year? I don't really know
9. What was your biggest failure? being jobless for 2 months
10. Did you suffer illness or injury? I was sick for prolly 2 months
11. What was the best thing you bought?
my computer desk, our computer
12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
I don't know
13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
STEVE
14. Where did most of your money go?
I don't even remember what it's like t have money
15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
My ring, my watch, my birthday.. I know.. I'm terrible :)
16. What songs will always remind you of 2005?
Could not ask for more. Honkeytonkbadonkadonk,
17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
i. happier or sadder? Happier
ii. thinner or fatter? heavier :(
iii. richer or poorer? poorer
18. What do you wish you'd done more of?
work
19. What do you wish you'd done less of?
worrying
20. How will you be spending Christmas?
Christmas eve at Mom and Dads, then Christmas at my aunt's house then his moms
22. Did you fall in love in 2005?
I sure did :)
23. How many one-night stands?
0
25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
No, I pretty much feel the same about everyone.
26. What were the best books you read?
Any James Patterson book I picked up
27. What was your greatest musical discovery?
hmm
28. What did you want and get?
The love of my life, a puppy, a place that I could decorate
29. What did you want and not get?
To be all skinny--but that's my fault
30. What was your favorite film of this year?
Amityville, Skeleton Key,Cinderella man
31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
I went to work and class then Brian took me out to dinner. 19
32.What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
Again.. a stable job.
33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2005?
Same old same old
34. What kept you sane?
Nicole, Brian, Jenna, my mom
35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
Ryan Reynolds
36. What political issue stirred you the most?

37. Who do you miss the most?
Uncle Pete :(
38. Who was the best new person you met?
Brian
39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2005.
Don't listen to your brother
40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.
There's got to be sometime more(big work complex), and I'll be the greatest fan of your life.

Awake again...ugh.
Kevin called plastered
Talked to Nicole while she was wasted
Both interesting conversations.

The last eight months have seemed like a lifetime and yet seemed like yesterday. I've become who I wanted to. I have my man beside me every night. I have my close friends that I will not lose contact with.. and unfortunately I also have a 22 year old son. When Bri and I move, hopefully Steve will go back to living with their parents. *fingers crossed*.

I really wish I had a job. I wish I didn't need to be on my dad's insurance. To be on my dad's insurance, I have to be a full time student..to be a full time student.. I have to work my ass off.. which makes it very hard to get a full time job where they are going to offer me insurance. It's a viscious cycle.

Apparently my brother wants to get married in the Spring. They put out a pretty good offer. Ryan and Liz would pay for me and her sister Katherine to join them on their 5 day cruise and then Bri and Katherines boyfriend would pay their way. That's a great deal on my end. I would get to see my brother get married and spend 5 beautiful days just the 6 of us. Never been on a cruise..could be fun.

For whatever reason I've been thinking back to high school lately. Would things have been different if I was then how I am today? Would I have wanted them to be different?

I have come to appreciate my mother a hell of a lot more since I "moved out". I want to be just like her.

Okay, enough rambling. Time to attempt sleep.

Happy 8 months to me =)

..oh yeah, brian too

So.. It's 4a.m. and I cannot fall into an unconscious state of mind. Something bothers me but I'm not sure what. Tears fall from my eyes but I am not sure why. Is it what I've learned? Is it the lessons that I've learned throughout the years? Why is it that when you think you've done away with something, it bears its ugly head? I've banished it from my thoughts but on this night it holds me prisioner.

...I don't know

:)

I'm getting scared. I have to have my lower back looked at. A year and a half of pain? At 19 years old? I'm going to call a doctor today. The chiropractor didn't help. Surgery? I hope not....

ladies.. if you're looking to buy yourself something nice and inexpensive.. this will do the trick.  Bri got it for me and i love it :).  On top of it I got one of those survey things for 50.00 off my next purchase.  Earrings here I come :)

thank you ortho tri for assisting in the weight gain i have seen over the past 3 months. I have two pairs of jeans that I can fit into...my blowdryer broke today and I don't have a fucking job to buy those things. as of right now I'm miserable.. and yes.. evidently I'm selfish as well.. me me fucking me

Jenna and I had a scrapbooking day yesterday--always good times to make a mess so big it takes more time to clean up than it does to do the work.  4 hours, 2 pages, and 2 Christmas cards later, the perfectionists were finished. Who can't ever find anything because the mess is too big?...me.

Today marks month 7 for Brian and I.  I woke up to a note this morning that said "I love you with my whole heart, I want you by my side forever.  You're my babygirl.  You're so beautiful.  7 months.  Darn near cried.  When it comes to rocky relationships, we're a freshly paved road with very few pebbles.  He's my knight in shining armor, my Prince Charming, my dream come true.

Back at the gym again.  Won't let myself slack off anymore.  I gained too much weight and it's all coming back off.

P.S it's 53 degrees in the house right now...

 

To and old friend:  I missed you.  We're so different that we're alike.  The good times are still to come ;)  We'll be making scrapbooks, cards, and having game nights for many years to come.  <3 you.

 

Last night was so much fun. Cloverleaf for dinner with some interesting stores.
Back home for some Boone's Farm and some Beer while playing Scene-it,pictionary (I am the champion), and a game of scategories.

Fun times
Good pictures
Great friends

we shall plan another one soon

I was going through my Microsoft Word 2003 text book today.

What do I see?

Half a picture of a woman spreading herself apart...the rest of the picture is cut off.

Curious I went to the website.. yep.. a butt hole and a vagina are in the other half that did not print out.

He doesn't even know how to print porn right...(not brian, his brother)

I taped a note to the door that said "This is not why we bought the printer..." and then taped the two failed attempts at a printed out vagina/butthole.

Brian laughed, I laughed, Steve was embarassed.

I had a homoerotic dream last night.

weird

she was pretty hott though?